They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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