Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
