I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I look excited, but its just a facade.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
