So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Randomize
