I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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