Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
this just has baby written all over it
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
