doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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