Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
