it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize