The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize