What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
