The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize