i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
sex in a hospital.. check
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
