you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize