RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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