if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
