im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
