I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
