Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
