I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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