Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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