What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I fill condoms, not promises.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
