saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize