I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
