There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
