Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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