I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
