You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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