He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
