he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
