So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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