i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
