Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
