You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
