to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
