I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
