At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
