"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
that may or may not have been my penis.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
