There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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