I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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