I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
