To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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