At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
