For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
