Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
