Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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