He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
