I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
