Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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