My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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