so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Is it penis luge time yet?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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