I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
