it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
