Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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