My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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