hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
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