woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
