At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
