i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
