Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
