Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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