Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
