forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
