is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize