weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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